I (26F) have a younger sister, Bayla (23F), and our relationship has been strained for the past ten years. When I was 6 and she was 3, our dad (47M) cheated on our mom (47F), which tore our family apart. My mom was in med school, working hard while trying to parent me, while my dad resented that she didn’t drop out to be a full-time wife. Instead of communicating, he became passive-aggressive, tried to sabotage her efforts, and eventually started an affair with my stepmom, Judy (44F). My mom found out when she came home and caught them in bed together.
Since Bayla and I were so young, our mom didn’t tell us the truth at the time. Judy took advantage of that and worked her way into our lives. While I kept my distance, Bayla was young enough to embrace her and even started calling her “Mom.” My mom hated it, but my dad and Judy encouraged it.
I found out the truth when I was 10, and from then on, I was cold and angry toward my dad’s household. My mom tried to put me in therapy, but my dad, Judy, and my paternal grandmother opposed it, so she had to take him to court just to make it happen.
When Bayla was 13, she pressured me to celebrate Mother’s Day with Judy and even tried to convince our mom to share the day with her. I snapped and told her the truth. She didn’t believe me at first, but when Judy’s brother confirmed it, she sulked for about a week. Then, she moved on, saying things like:
- “It was a long time ago.”
- “Cheating happens.”
- “You can’t stop love.”
- “Everything worked out in the end.”
She even started pushing our mom to forgive our dad and Judy, saying she was a bad mother if she “hated them more than she loved her own daughter.” My mom tried, but Judy was a passive-aggressive mean girl, so she gave up.
When Bayla graduated high school, she gave our mom an ultimatum:
- Either sit next to Judy for the entire ceremony and pay for both Dad and Judy’s share of the dinner bill (Mom was already paying for everyone else), or don’t come at all.
Our mom chose not to attend. Later, Judy posted online about how “some mothers are evil for not putting their children first,” and Bayla liked and shared the post. In response, my mom took back the car she had given Bayla (it was still in her name). However, she still paid for Bayla’s college tuition—just not her room and board like she did for me. Bayla accused her of favoritism, and from then on, they had minimal contact.
Years later, Bayla started dating Ethan (26M). She invited our mom to the wedding, but I believe it was just to get money out of her. However, the engagement ended when Bayla found out Ethan had cheated—she only discovered it after a doctor’s visit revealed she had caught something from him.
Bayla reached out to our mom for support, but all she got was a text:
“I’m sorry you’re going through this.”
Bayla was furious, but I told her that after the way she treated our mom and dismissed what our dad and Judy did, she shouldn’t expect much. Now, Bayla, my dad, Judy, and some paternal relatives are calling me an AH.
So, AITAH?
