My older sister, Anna, has always been opinionated, judgmental, and lacking in empathy—even toward her own family. She sees the world in black and white and can’t accept people making choices she wouldn’t make for herself. She constantly critiques my decision to have kids and be a stay-at-home mom, to the point where my husband can’t stand her. He has banned her from our house, and we don’t allow our kids to spend time with her.
I’ve never been close to her, but the moment I truly stopped trying was back in college. I had been in a relationship with Rob, who initially seemed perfect—kind, funny, and attentive. Over time, the relationship turned toxic and abusive. It only ended when I finally gained the courage to call the cops on him, leading to his arrest.
When I told my family what had happened, Anna had no sympathy. Instead, she criticized me for not “seeing the signs” and accused me of willfully ignoring red flags just to have a “hot bad boy boyfriend.” She basically blamed me for the abuse I suffered. I didn’t argue with her—I was exhausted. I simply told her that if she ever found herself in an abusive relationship, she shouldn’t bother coming to me because I’d just laugh at her. After that, I stopped trying to have any sort of relationship with her and focused on my husband, kids, and my two other sisters.
Now, years later, karma seems to have come full circle. A few days ago, Anna’s husband of seven years hit her during an argument, slapping her and calling her horrible names. She left and went to stay with our parents, who called the cops on her behalf, leading to his arrest.
My dad called me and asked if I could bake something for Anna to help cheer her up. I told him no. I said I had no reason to care about a woman who ignored the warning signs and married a bad man just because he was a doctor. After all, she has our parents and her dog—what more does she need?
Apparently, my dad had me on speakerphone, because Anna freaked out and started yelling at me. I told her again, why should I care? She was the one who dismissed me when I was in the same situation, so why should she expect kindness now? She became hysterical, and I hung up because, honestly, just hearing her voice irritates me.
Later, my mom called and told me I needed to show some sympathy. She said she wouldn’t speak to me until I did. I told her fine—if she’s willing to cut me off, then she’s also cutting off my husband and kids for a woman who barely visits them despite living just 30 minutes away.
Now, my parents aren’t speaking to me, and I don’t know if I was wrong. I’m tired of always being the one expected to be understanding and kind when I’m the youngest sibling. Why should I be the bigger person when Anna never was?
So, AITA?
