My brother, James, is getting married next month, but what should be a joyous family celebration has turned into a stressful and emotional dilemma. The issue? His fiancée, Emily, has excluded my wife, Lisa, from the guest list.
Emily and Lisa have never been particularly close, but they’ve always maintained a polite relationship. However, Emily has shown some passive hostility toward Lisa, especially after an incident during a family vacation last year. Lisa, who’s naturally outgoing and friendly, enjoyed chatting with everyone, including strangers at the resort. Emily, being more reserved, seemed visibly annoyed. Afterward, she told James that Lisa was “attention-seeking” and accused her of making the trip about herself. At the time, I dismissed it as a clash of personalities.
Fast forward to now, and Emily has taken this grudge to a new level by refusing to invite Lisa to the wedding. When I asked James about it, he admitted it was Emily’s choice. He explained that he didn’t want to push back because “it’s her day” and suggested I come alone “to keep the peace.”
I was shocked. Lisa and I have been married for five years—she’s a part of this family. Excluding her isn’t just hurtful to her but disrespectful to our relationship. I told James I wouldn’t attend without her, which led to a heated argument. He accused me of overreacting and letting Lisa’s “hurt feelings” sabotage his big day.
Our parents are split on the matter. My dad supports me and believes James and Emily are being unreasonable. My mom, however, thinks I should attend alone to avoid further tension, arguing that “it’s just one day” and not worth ruining my relationship with James over.
Lisa is deeply hurt by the exclusion. She feels disrespected and isolated, saying she would never have done something like this if the roles were reversed. While she’s supportive of whatever I decide, I know she’d be crushed if I attended the wedding without her. This has put a strain on our marriage because she feels I’m not standing up for her enough.
On the other hand, James is my only sibling, and we’ve always been close. I worry that skipping his wedding will damage our relationship permanently. Part of me wonders if I should just put my pride aside and go for the sake of family harmony. But another part feels strongly that this isn’t just about one day—it’s about standing up for my wife and our marriage.
I don’t want to ruin my brother’s wedding, but I also don’t want to betray my wife or compromise my principles. So, AITA for refusing to attend my brother’s wedding if my wife isn’t invited?
