I have two children under 12 with my ex. We divorced five years ago after I discovered he and my former best friend were having an affair. Despite their apologies and pleas not to let it ruin everything, their actions had already done irreparable damage. I despise them both, but for the sake of my kids, I’ve stayed civil. I’ve never badmouthed them to my children or shared what happened. My priority has always been my kids, and I’ve worked hard to ensure they don’t suffer more than they already have.
The divorce was tough on my children, and they’ve struggled with the adjustment. They’re still in therapy for lingering issues, which were compounded when their dad moved in with my former friend. My ex’s wife has tried to act as though nothing happened, but her attempts to maintain a friendly dynamic only make things worse.
In December, she suffered her 10th miscarriage and underwent emergency surgery, which left her unable to have children. My ex called to inform me and asked if I could bring our kids to the hospital to stay until she was discharged. It was my parenting week, and I declined, explaining that I wasn’t going to have the kids sit in a hospital for an indefinite amount of time. He insisted and even said he’d have the kids ask me directly. I stood firm, and he stopped contacting me. He didn’t see the kids during his scheduled parenting time that week, and his mother later told me he hadn’t left the hospital.
Since then, things have been tense. My ex is angry I didn’t let the kids “support” his wife by being present at the hospital. Now, he has another request. He booked a “healing getaway” for them and wants to take the kids along during my parenting week. It’s also a school week, and he plans to take his regular weeks before and after the trip. This would mean the kids would miss school for potentially three weeks. He claims the kids’ presence will help his wife grieve and recover, emphasizing that their presence is emotionally important to her.
I said no. I explained that I wouldn’t allow my kids to miss school for this trip and that they aren’t emotional support animals to help adults cope. I also pointed out that therapy would be far more effective for her healing. My ex argued that I should let him “make up” for the week he missed earlier, but our parenting plan is clear: if a parent voluntarily forfeits their week, they don’t get a makeup period unless both parties agree.
He accused me of being cold and unfeeling, insisting I should put our differences aside for his wife’s sake. He even suggested that if she harms herself, I’d bear part of the blame for not letting the kids go. I told him I wouldn’t be manipulated by guilt and reminded him that his and her actions destroyed any empathy I might have had for them.
He continues to push, trying to guilt me into agreeing. While I know my response may come across as harsh, I want to ensure I’m not being unreasonable. Am I wrong for refusing to let my kids go on this trip?
