My wife and I have been separated for three years. Before that, we were together for ten years and married for nine. I loved her deeply, and for much of our marriage, we were happy. We have two children, ages 12 and 10. However, after our kids were born, intimacy in our marriage declined dramatically. Sex became something I had to beg for, and I was rejected almost every time.
At first, I tried talking to her about it, but she dismissed me, saying I was nagging. I suggested marriage counseling, and during one session, she snapped and said, “We have our children now, so what’s the point of sex?” She immediately regretted saying it, claiming it was a joke made under pressure. She made an effort for about a week, but things quickly returned to the way they were. I decided to stop bringing it up and waited for her to approach me when she wanted intimacy.
That never happened. For eight years, we didn’t have sex. About a year before our separation, I told her I was unhappy and wanted us to try marriage counseling again or even sex therapy. She dismissed me, saying I should just be happy because she was. She didn’t see any issues in our marriage. I still loved her at that point, and leaving was incredibly difficult. It took me a year to get everything in order before I finally told her I was leaving. I moved into a rental close to our home to make co-parenting easier.
Initially, I sought casual relationships, but two years ago, I met my current girlfriend. She’s incredible in every way, and I quickly developed real feelings for her. We kept our relationship private at first, but now it’s public. Everything seemed to be going well for everyone—until a week ago.
I received a call from my mom, asking me to visit her. When I arrived, she told me my wife wanted us to start counseling and reconcile. Before I could respond, my wife arrived (it felt planned). She told me she wanted to make changes, that she had been reflecting, and that she loved me and wanted to be a family again. My mom accused me of being selfish and choosing a woman over my daughters. Then she left to run errands, leaving me alone with my wife.
My wife tried to kiss me and touch me, saying she’d give me what I wanted and was willing to go to counseling. I backed away, feeling like I was betraying my girlfriend. When I got home, I told my girlfriend everything. She didn’t say much other than that I should make the decision myself. I think she feels guilty, believing she’s standing in the way of my children having their family back.
The truth is, I don’t love my wife anymore, and I don’t want her pity or promises. I want my girlfriend—she chooses me willingly and loves me for who I am. But now it feels like everyone is framing this as me choosing a woman over my daughters.
AITA for wanting to stay with my girlfriend instead of reconciling with my wife?
