My dad married my stepmother when I (17M) was 9, and my younger brother (15M) was almost 7. Our mom had passed away two years prior. It was a quick remarriage, but we adjusted as best we could. My dad has always had a strained relationship with my mom’s side of the family, and after her death, he tried to cut them off. However, our grandparents were granted visitation rights, so they remained part of our lives.
When my dad remarried, it was clear my stepmother wasn’t happy with the visitation arrangement. Our dad and grandparents used a court-ordered app to schedule visits, requiring him to approve at least three days a month. Over the years, my stepmother would often ask if our grandparents talked badly about her. They never did; visits were about fun, family, and sometimes remembering our mom.
Mother’s Day was always a point of tension. Our grandparents requested that day each year, and while my dad and stepmother wanted us to stay home, he approved it after we said we preferred spending it with mom’s family. My stepmother resented this.
Recently, my dad approved a visitation date without realizing it fell on my stepmother’s birthday. When he realized the mistake, she was furious. While we were at our grandparents’ house, my stepmother called them, demanding they relinquish the day because it was her birthday. They refused. What followed was a rant where she said she was tired of them acting entitled to time with us, that she was the most important woman in our lives, and that she was as important—if not more—than our mom because we were so young when she passed. She said our grandparents were “nothing” and we’d eventually realize she came first.
She didn’t know I was at my grandparents’ house and overheard everything. I was furious. When I got home, I confronted her, yelling that I heard what she said. I told her she was wrong to talk about my grandparents like that and that she was never important to me. I said she wasn’t my mom, I never saw her as family, and if she and my dad divorced, I wouldn’t stay in touch because she was just there.
Later, I told my brother what she said. He was equally upset and said he wished our dad had never married her.
When my dad came home, he demanded I apologize, but I refused. This led to family therapy, where my dad and stepmother said I had treated her unfairly. My dad argued that she had raised us and been in our lives longer than our mom, and I took what she said and “went nuclear.” He insisted I should be more understanding.
My brother doubled down in therapy, saying she wasn’t his mom and that he hoped they’d divorce so he wouldn’t have to live with her anymore. This enraged my dad and stepmother further, as they believe I “ruined” the relationship by telling my brother what she said.
So, AITA?
