When I (27F) was in college, I met my boyfriend, and after a year of dating, we moved in together, sharing a place with friends. I was 19 when we met and 20 when we started living together. From then on, we decided to alternate spending Christmas with each other’s families.
The first year we were set to visit my family, my mom made it clear that my boyfriend could not stay in the same room or share a bed with me in her house. My dad argued that I was an adult and already living with him, but my mom refused. I didn’t want to leave my boyfriend alone during the holidays, especially when his family had happily welcomed us as a couple, so I opted to book an Airbnb instead.
My mom was upset, saying I should respect her house rules. I told her I was respecting them by not staying there, but I wasn’t okay with leaving my boyfriend behind just because she didn’t approve. After that, I made it clear that I wouldn’t visit if my boyfriend and I couldn’t stay together. My mom stood firm, saying her rules were justified because we weren’t married.
Fast forward to two years ago—my dad passed away. About 11 months ago, my mom started dating someone. They don’t live together officially, but according to my brother, her boyfriend stays over most nights. My 22-year-old brother recently moved out, partly because he was tired of hearing them in bed together. When he told her this, my mom got upset and accused him of not being happy for her after she found love again.
Recently, my mom mentioned missing her kids and expressed wanting to visit me for a week or two. She also wanted to bring her boyfriend. I told her she was welcome, but she couldn’t share a room or bed with him in my house. I explained that I didn’t want to risk overhearing anything. She got angry, saying she’s a grown woman who deserves her freedom.
I reminded her that she denied me the same when I was younger, even though I had no intention of having sex in her house. I also pointed out that it sounded like she didn’t care if we overheard, and I wasn’t willing to deal with that. I told her I wasn’t going to allow what she refused me—especially since her reasoning at the time was rooted in her house rules.
She accused me of being petty and acting like a child.
AITA?
