My husband’s brother, whom I’ll call “Zack,” is a complete mess. He’s 40+ years old and has never truly lived on his own, except for his stints in prison or the times he lived in the woods. Zack has no relationship with anyone in the family except for his parents. He is, without question, mentally “slow” and has always relied on my in-laws to bail him out of trouble.
Over the years, my in-laws have hired attorneys to expunge his records, reduce his sentences, and even provided him with a rent-free place to live. Zack doesn’t cook, clean, or take any responsibility for himself. He’s wrecked about a dozen cars, yet they continue to co-sign or outright buy new ones for him.
Recently, we received a shocking call from a hospital informing us that Zack and his homeless, addict girlfriend had a baby. This was news to us, as Zack doesn’t communicate with me, my husband, or his other brother. The hospital notified the family because DCF would be reaching out for kinship placement. Once again, my elderly in-laws stepped in to bail Zack out and decided to foster the baby.
My husband and I were floored by the situation. My husband, his other (normal) brother, and I all lead stable, healthy, and honorable lives. While I felt deeply sad for the innocent baby, I also recognized how this situation perpetuated Zack’s dependence on his parents. Despite my reservations, I contributed thousands of dollars worth of baby supplies to help my in-laws prepare to care for the baby. I visited the baby in the NICU and sent gifts.
It’s now been almost a year since this happened, and we haven’t heard a word from Zack. No thank-you, no Merry Christmas, no acknowledgment of anything. Absolutely nothing.
My in-laws continue to prioritize Zack over everyone else. They’ve always babied him, and this situation is no different. Recently, my son’s birthday rolled around, and we’d had plans for months for my in-laws to come celebrate with us. I baked a cake, set up everything, and was looking forward to them visiting.
The day before the party, they informed me they’d be bringing Zack with them. I told them I wasn’t comfortable with that and asked if they could come without him. They blew up, accusing me of being heartless and saying it was “sad” that Zack wasn’t welcome in my home. They ultimately decided not to come at all.
AITA for refusing to allow Zack into my home? I don’t feel comfortable with him around my children, and I don’t think I should be forced into a relationship with someone who has never taken responsibility for his life or actions.
