I just got back from a long business trip, and within 10 minutes of walking through the door, I completely lost it. Here’s what happened:
While I was away, my husband’s mom stayed at our house for a few days. She lives in another city, so this was supposed to be a temporary visit. During my trip, my husband told me how she kept complaining about everything in the house. For context, we’ve been together for two and a half years, and she actually helped him decorate the place before we met. Since then, we’ve made a lot of changes to the decor, and apparently, she wasn’t happy about them. My husband said he told her it wasn’t her place to comment and reminded her she’s a guest in our home.
This isn’t the first time her behavior has been a problem. On a previous visit, I woke up to find her cleaning and reorganizing the house—even though it was already clean. I asked her to stop and told my husband to set firm boundaries with her.
Fast forward to yesterday. My husband went to the office while she was still at our house. She was supposed to leave, lock up, and put the key in the mailbox. Instead, when my husband got home, he found out she had reorganized everything. She went through my closet, my makeup, his clothes, the pantry, and even switched the carpets in the rooms. To make matters worse, she texted him a picture of two new carpets she was planning to buy for us, as if she were in charge of the decor.
When I got home, I started noticing all the changes, and I was furious. My husband was in a meeting, so I had a bit of time to process everything before talking to him. When he was done, I told him that his mom is no longer welcome in our house unless I’m there. If I’m traveling and he wants to see her, he can visit her at her place.
I was so upset that I insisted he call her and set the record straight. He told her she’d crossed a major boundary and reminded her that she’s a guest, not a decision-maker in our home. She started crying and said that since losing her husband last March, she’s been feeling useless and just wanted to help.
Now I’m wondering if I overreacted. Am I the asshole for how I handled this?
