I’m a 25-year-old guy, and my girlfriend, Casey (24F), and I have been together for about a year. We’ve been living together for the past two months.
Earlier today, Casey approached me, saying she wanted to discuss something serious. She seemed hesitant but said it was about a traumatic experience she had before we met. She asked if I’d be willing to listen, and I said of course.
After a moment of hesitation, she began telling me the story. Back when she was a university student, she developed a crush on a pizza delivery guy who worked at a small shop near her apartment. She wanted to ask him out but wasn’t sure how. So, she consulted her friend group, and one of her friends suggested answering the door in lingerie.
Her friends apparently loved the idea and encouraged her, despite her initial doubts. They even went shopping with her for the lingerie. Eventually, Casey went along with the plan. She ordered a pizza, got dressed up in skimpy lingerie, did her makeup, and styled her hair. When the delivery guy arrived, she opened the door in her revealing outfit.
The guy didn’t say anything at first, so Casey—feeling desperate for validation—asked, “What do you think of my outfit?” His response was blunt: “Dude, please don’t do that,” and he left.
As she told me this story, Casey became emotional, nearly in tears, and said she felt embarrassed and sick after the experience.
I was listening attentively but honestly didn’t know how to react. When she finished, I said, “Uh… you do realize that you weren’t the victim here—you were the perpetrator, right?”
Casey recoiled at my comment. She immediately shifted the blame, saying her friends had “tricked” her into doing it, society had set unrealistic standards, and even suggesting that the pizza guy’s reaction was somehow part of the problem.
At this point, I responded by comparing her actions to situations where people deliberately expose themselves to others, like those who intentionally get caught by hotel maids. I explained that what she did could be considered sexual harassment.
She refused to see it that way and insisted it was entirely different. Our conversation escalated into a full-blown argument. She ended it by shouting, “I came to you to feel better, and now I feel WORSE!” before storming off.
I don’t know what to think now. I feel disgusted by what she did, but I also wonder if I was too harsh in my response, given that she was being vulnerable.
So, AITA for telling her she was the perpetrator, not the victim, in this situation?
