I (27M) and my girlfriend (26F) have been together for two years. I’m a Black man who grew up in the inner city, while she’s a white woman from the suburbs. Normally, our different upbringings aren’t an issue, but last week, someone tried to break into my house, and it’s caused tension between us.
I currently take care of my mother, who is recovering from surgery and cannot walk. She’s completely dependent on me, and her bedroom is in the back of the house, right next to the back door that leads to the porch.
At 2 AM last Wednesday, my mom called me from her room, terrified, saying that someone was banging on the back door, trying to break in. My girlfriend was staying with me in my bedroom at the time. I immediately jumped out of bed, grabbed my gun, and ran to the back door. I started yelling at whoever was there to leave. Despite my yelling, the banging continued.
I checked the porch camera and saw three people standing outside. One of them even said, “Keep going, it doesn’t matter.” That’s when I used the speaker on my camera to announce, “I have a weapon. It’s loaded. If you kick that door one more time, I will shoot.”
At this point, my girlfriend was behind me, screaming for me not to shoot and saying it wasn’t worth it. The intruders still didn’t leave, so I cocked my weapon and said, “I’m going to count to three. If you’re not gone by then, I’m firing.” As soon as I counted to one, they ran away.
My girlfriend was furious, yelling at me that there’s never a reason to threaten to shoot someone, no matter the circumstances. I told her we couldn’t discuss this now because we needed to call the police. In hindsight, I should’ve called them sooner, but my priority was protecting my mother.
The police arrived, found shoe prints on the fence and back door, and started patrolling the area, though they didn’t find the intruders. Once the officers left, my girlfriend began shouting at me again, saying she couldn’t believe I’d be willing to shoot someone just for kicking the door.
I explained to her that this wasn’t about protecting the house—it was about protecting my helpless mother, who was lying in bed just a few feet away. Those intruders could’ve done anything—stolen, assaulted, killed. I wasn’t taking any chances with my family’s safety.
She argued that violence is never the answer and that hurting or killing someone, even in self-defense, makes you just like them. I told her that her perspective comes from the privilege of never having faced a situation where someone tried to physically harm her. I also made it clear that I’m not apologizing for doing what I needed to do to defend my family and home.
Since then, she’s been upset with me, barely speaking to me, and I’ve tried to understand her viewpoint. But I refuse to sacrifice my ability to protect my loved ones because of her idealistic belief that violence is never necessary.
AITA?
